from the publishers of: Verywell, Real Simple, EatingWell, Shape, Parents, Health and Allrecipes
Would you believe that your child may be more likely to confide in their grandparent than you? Don’t be concerned—this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and it’s definitely not rare. In fact, new research indicates about half of children today would feel more comfortable going to a grandparent for advice than a parent.
The survey, carried out by Preply, asked kids questions about their grandparents, including which nicknames they called them, how often they spent time together, and how likely they would be to seek guidance from the elder generation. The results were quite interesting, and paint an overall positive picture of today’s grandparent-grandchild relationship.
A huge number of children (68%) surveyed said they’d rather spend time with Nana and Papa (the most widely used grandparent names in the U.S.) than their own parents. As mentioned, about half of the respondents said they would confide in a grandparent before a parent. And guess what? The favorite grandparent was overwhelmingly the maternal grandmother.
Surprised? Or maybe not. “A lot of times, grandparents are able to provide more of a mentorship role for children without the day-to-day stress and responsibility of parenting,” says Sylvia Johnson, head of methodology at Preply. “Often, a child can go to a grandparent for advice without fear of disappointment or judgment that might come from a parent.”
That doesn’t mean parents don’t have a positive and important role in their children’s lives, however. Grandparents just play a different part.
The three states whose residents indicated spending the most time with their grandparents were Arkansas, Alabama, and Louisiana. “This is a testament to the close family bonds, particularly in the South, where multiple generations often live in close proximity,” says Johnson. However, even among these states, respondents were split about whom they prefer to spend time with. Alabama and Louisiana indicated grandparents, but Arkansas preferred their parents.
Mom’s mom was overwhelmingly the favorite grandparent. It’s not totally clear why, but it could be simply because the maternal grandmother is often present and involved with childcare.
“Children might also pick up on the strong and influential bond that their mother has with her mother and naturally gravitate towards the maternal grandmother,” says Michelle Landeros, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist. “The maternal grandmother might be more in sync with the mother’s caregiving techniques and approaches, leading to a smoother interaction with the child.”
Grandparents today no longer want to think of themselves as “old.” After their kids start their own families, today’s grandparents are often still active, healthy, and can expect to live a long time.
“We see that trend particularly when it comes to the names Boomer grandparents want to be called,” says Johnson. “They are shedding traditional nicknames like ‘Grandma’ and ‘Grandpa’ for more modern ones like ‘Gigi’ and ‘Poppy.’”
Involved grandparents benefit children and families greatly. Research has confirmed that kids grow up feeling more secure and have an easier time dealing with adverse life events when a grandparent is regularly involved in their care. “Children with more adults in their lives who show them unconditional love tend to feel more secure and valued,” says Landeros.
The key to reaping these benefits seems to be participating in childcare and taking an active role in children’s lives. “Respondents who indicated they confide in their grandparents for things they are not comfortable talking to their parents about also spend time with their grandparents over twice as frequently as those who indicated they would not feel comfortable confiding with a grandparent,” says Johnson.
Having a safe adult to turn to when it feels hard to talk to parents can make a world of difference when children face personal challenges. This is likely connected to the way that grandparents relate to children, which may be quite different from the way they parented their own children.
“The bond between grandparents and grandchildren typically experiences less stress and disagreements, primarily because grandparents usually adopt a hands-off approach, “ says Landeros. “While parents, rightly so, are wired to guide, correct, and sometimes reprimand their children, grandparents tend to be less judgmental and critical of their grandchildren’s actions, so children may be more likely to drop their guard.”