from the publishers of: Verywell, Real Simple, EatingWell, Shape, Parents, Health and Allrecipes
Prom is a huge milestone in the life of a high school senior. But as exciting as it can be, it can also be a significant source of stress. Parents are often concerned about their teen’s safety, including driving, drug and alcohol use, and sexual pressure, says Jennifer King, DSW, LISW, assistant professor and co-director of the Center on Trauma and Adversity at Case Western Reserve University.
An additional layer of worry also often exists beyond the surface, she notes. Parents often have questions like: Will my child feel included? What happens if they feel rejected or overwhelmed?
“For teens already navigating anxiety, social pressure, or body image concerns, prom can become emotionally charged,” King describes.
Here’s the good news: parents can play an essential role in supporting their kids and keeping them safe during prom—both physically and emotionally. We’ve gathered nine expert tips for parents as they navigate the thrilling—but also stress-inducing—prom season.
Ayesha Ludhani, PsyD, a licensed psychologist specializing in children, teens, and their parents at her practice, Ludhani Psychological Services, recommends having a calm, non-judgmental conversation about prom plans with your teen. Ask them questions like how they’re getting there, which friends they’ll hang out with, and how they’ll get home.
“When teens feel trusted rather than micromanaged, they’re more likely to open up and make safe, thoughtful decisions,” says Ludhani.
Speaking of plans, it’s good to have a plan for what your teen will do if something goes wrong.
“Ask your teen what they’d do if something felt off, like if their date crossed a boundary or they felt unsafe at a party,” suggests Viviana McGovern, LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist and the CEO of Full Vida Therapy, where she works with teens and parents across California through telehealth. Ask your teen questions like: Who would they call? How would they get home?
“When teens have a plan they helped create, they’re more likely to use it,” McGovern explains.
It can be very helpful to say the quiet parts out loud when it comes to some of the pressures that tend to come up during prom, King says.
“Whether it’s about drinking, hooking up, or looking a certain way, teens often feel they have to ‘perform’ for prom,” she says. “Saying something like, ‘It’s OK to step outside, say no, or leave early. You don’t owe anyone anything on prom night,’ helps them hold onto their inner compass.”
If your teen has a specific concern about these pressures, you can help come up with language they can use to communicate their boundaries.
Many teens think of prom as the be-all and end-all experience of their high school career. That can be super-overwhelming. McGovern suggests reminding your teen that prom is just one night, not a measure of their worth as a human.
“Talk about the fun parts, but also let them know it’s OK if it’s awkward, different than expected, or not a big emotional milestone,” she says.
Many parents stress about how their kids are going to get to and from prom. That’s why Erin Hoganson, PsyD, a school psychologist and school psychology clinical advisor with BlazerWorks, in partnership with ProCare Therapy, recommends talking through your teen’s transportation plan with them beforehand.
You might offer to book a car service or arrange for parents to carpool a group of friends to or from prom. Knowing that there’s a safe plan in place for transportation can reduce stress for everyone involved, says Hoganson.
Prom is a time when your teen’s appearance is heavily emphasized and on full display. This can be stressful and trigger body confidence issues as well as body image challenges.
“Remind your teen that they don’t need to look a certain way to enjoy the night,” Hoganson shares. “Positive reinforcement at home can counteract social media pressures.”
It’s generally helpful for your “vibe” as a parent navigating prom season to be compassionate and guiding, but not overbearing.
“The best way parents can help is to stay available without hovering,” says McGovern. “Let your teen know you’re there, no questions asked, if they need anything.” This is a leave of safety that makes a huge difference to teens, McGovern emphasizes.
Make it clear to your teen that you are a phone call away, and that you will come and get them anytime if they need to leave a prom celebration (or after party). “Create a ‘code word’ or phrase your teen can text if they want to leave a situation discreetly,” Hoganson suggests. “It gives them autonomy while knowing help is a text away.”
Sometimes, teens don’t reach out for help because they fear they’ll get into trouble. That’s why King recommends designating someone in their life (you or another person close to your family) as a “safe contact.” This person would be “someone they can reach out to at any time, no questions asked and no judgment,” King describes.
Still feeling anxious and unsure about prom and how best to support your teen?“It’s OK for parents to feel both nervous and excited for their teen to attend prom,” Ludhani emphasizes. In other words, you can let yourself “feel the feels” when it comes to ushering your kid off to prom.
When it comes to nurturing your teen through prom season, the important thing is to concentrate on the connection with your teen rather than trying to control them, Ludhani says. “Let your teen know you’re there to support them, not just set rules,” she describes. “When teens feel safe, seen, and supported, they’re more likely to make choices that reflect those values.”